angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize