I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
