This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
