I could make wine with my vomit
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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