first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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