Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just high enough for therapy.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
