that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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