there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
