I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
