i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
should my penis look like a turkey
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
