You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
