God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
