we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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