All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
