Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
