some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize