my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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