the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
