check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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