Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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