I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
