i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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