Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My feet surprised me
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