So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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