Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
