Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
