i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
