This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
