watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize