dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
