Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
