Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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