He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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