he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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