Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize