So drunk its hurt
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
