I smell stomach acid.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
