Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
