I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
