no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
this hospital has no fireball
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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