I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he thought i was a dude.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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