you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
