It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
