i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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