You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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