I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
