All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
