My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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