I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
