Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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