I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
