I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
