On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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