If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize