She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
