its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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