You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
