Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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