I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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