i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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