Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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