found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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