Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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