he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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