I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
