Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
