it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize