So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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