I bet he comes in French.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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