did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
