If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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