What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
