Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize