based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
