I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
